Mouth of the South

Being that we are a little overdue for a Pat Robertson idiocy eruption, the nutty Rev. has provided anew. It seems that Pat had a personal prayer retreat back in January and the Lord spoke to him.

"If I heard the Lord right about 2006, the coasts of America will be lashed by storms,"…

"There well may be something as bad as a tsunami in the Pacific Northwest,"…

Robertson made the first statement on May 8th and the second on the 17th. Aside from the palpable insanity of conversing with God, I am bothered by a couple of other things. First of all, if God told Robertson of impending calamity in January, why the hell are we only now hearing about this? I have hurricane preparedness tasks that now need immediate attention; things I would have done sooner if I had this kind of intel directly from the Lord. I mean God controls the weather right – who could know better? Pat has been holding out on us. What a dick!

Another annoying thing is the sheer blinding obviousness of those statements. Yes – something bad may happen in the Northwest. Bad shit happens there fairly often; earthquakes, forest fires, land slides, huge fucking mountains that explode. Stating that does not make him a soothsayer or God’s hand puppet. I live on the coast right down the road from Pat Robertson. He has operated out of Virginia Beach for like 45 years. If he doesn’t know by now that the coasts are “lashed by storms” ALL THE FUCKING TIME, then he is either an idiot or a fear mongering asshole. Plain and simple.

The thing that pissed me off most about this though, is the naked pretentiousness of saying “If I heard the Lord right”… If God deemed you important enough for Him to spend His time actually talking to you, don’t you think that the Supreme Being would make Himself pretty God damn (ha ha) clear. He is infallible you half-wit; the entire universe rests on that bit of dogma. It’s not like God mumbles. Perhaps you were too preoccupied counting your blood diamonds to give you the Lord your full attention. Whatever the case, if you weren’t clear on something God said to you, wouldn’t it be worth the effort to get clarification? What He said had to be important – deities are not known for small talk. So next time the Lord speaks to you, listen up!