Whimper

Because Lo and I were literally stuck on a boat last week, I completely missed out on the public reaction to the Sopranos finale. So I conspicuously avoided any media coverage of same. Well, I finally got to watch it and all I can say is what a piece of shit cop out. If ever a show needed to end with a bang, this was it. Instead, we get a pathetic whimper, a safe and sanitary exit, stage left. Blech! And the five seconds of black screen and no sound that ended the episode; I thought for a moment that the cable had cut out. When the show’s ending can be mistaken for a service interruption, the script needs a rewrite.

The staff at the Onion takes a somewhat darker view of the series’ closing moments.

NEW YORK—Actor James Gandolfini, best known for his portrayal of mob kingpin Tony Soprano on the hit HBO show The Sopranos, was shot to death Tuesday in a Greenwich Village restaurant by a fan unable to accept the open-ended conclusion of the series finale that aired earlier this month.

According to police reports, 28-year-old marketing research assistant Louis Bowen walked into the small Italian restaurant Occhiuto's at approximately 7:40 p.m. and headed directly toward Gandolfini's table. Bowen then drew a snub-nosed .38 revolver from his jacket and shot Gandolfini point-blank in the head three times before dropping the gun and calmly exiting the eatery.

Bowen was apprehended two blocks away by two NYPD officers and reportedly put up no resistance.

"I couldn't let it just hang," Bowen told police in a post-arrest confession released to the media. "Eight years of my life, and a fucking artsy cut to black? It was eating me up inside."