Oh no he didn’t

Look people, I am going to level with you. I love Batman, love, love, love. The character is without a doubt my favorite superhero and probably my favorite fictional creation. Call me weird or possessed by some vestigial remnant of comic books past, but that is the way it is. The Bat is an iconic figure that must be treated with a degree of reverence and respect. Something Joel Schumacher clearly did not understand when he made Batman and Robin, perhaps the worst film in human history. If there is greater injustice done to an imaginary character, I know not of it. That is perhaps, until Nathan Klavan’s absurd bloviating, titled (without intended irony, I am sure) “What Bush and Batman Have in Common”, in today’s WSJ Online (hat tip the Deus Ex Malcontent). In the immortal words of Samuel L. Jackson, “Motherfucker, please”.

Oh, wait a minute. That's not a bat, actually. In fact, when you trace the outline with your finger, it looks kind of like . . . a "W."[Ed. Note – this sentence alone should earn Klavan a beating]

There seems to me no question that the Batman film "The Dark Knight," currently breaking every box office record in history, is at some level a paean of praise to the fortitude and moral courage that has been shown by George W. Bush in this time of terror and war [Ed. Note – That’s because Klavan is an idiot. K THX.]. Like W, Batman is vilified and despised for confronting terrorists in the only terms they understand. Like W, Batman sometimes has to push the boundaries of civil rights to deal with an emergency, certain that he will re-establish those boundaries when the emergency is past.

And like W, Batman understands that there is no moral equivalence between a free society -- in which people sometimes make the wrong choices -- and a criminal sect bent on destruction. The former must be cherished even in its moments of folly; the latter must be hounded to the gates of Hell.

I would add more but I love you people and I am loathe to inflict anymore of this puerile, not to mention burningly stupid, trash upon you. So let me just lay it out straight – there are some similarities between Bruce Wayne/Batman and George Bush. They are both filthy rich and live in big, impressive houses. They are both scions of well-established, one might say, aristocratic families. And, well, that is it really. Because for these superficial commonalities, the main difference between the two render any such comparisons moot.

You see, the one incontrovertible truth that Mr. Klavan omits, of course, is that Batman gets the fucking job done. He is uber-competent. For starters, when the Joker comes for Batman, Batman does not go off and pick a fight with the Penguin. He does not trifle with unnecessary distractions. He focuses on the problem, takes matters (and necks) into his own hands and dispatches the Joker. Which leads to my second point; Batman handles the situation but does so with a minimum of collateral damage. He has the technology to reduce huge chunks of the city to rubble but a healthy respect for others and common decency prevents him from doing so. Batman understand that destroying Gotham in the act of saving it differs little from just chillin’ at Wayne Manor while the bad guys run amok. And last but certainly not least, Batman, despite his flaws, is a force for good, a selfless protector of the innocent, something George fucking Bush most certainly is not.