Darkside Dick

The Washington Post has been running a four-part series on the evil that is Dick Cheney and today’s finale is infuriating. My blood is fucking boiling and the Outrage Meter is on eleven. Suffice it to say, I picked the wrong week to quit smoking.

In Oregon, a battleground state that the Bush-Cheney ticket had lost by less than half of 1 percent, drought-stricken farmers and ranchers were about to be cut off from the irrigation water that kept their cropland and pastures green. Federal biologists said the Endangered Species Act left the government no choice: The survival of two imperiled species of fish was at stake.

Law and science seemed to be on the side of the fish. Then the vice president stepped in.

First Cheney looked for a way around the law, aides said. Next he set in motion a process to challenge the science protecting the fish, according to a former Oregon congressman who lobbied for the farmers.

Because of Cheney's intervention, the government reversed itself and let the water flow in time to save the 2002 growing season, declaring that there was no threat to the fish. What followed was the largest fish kill the West had ever seen, with tens of thousands of salmon rotting on the banks of the Klamath River.

Characteristically, Cheney left no tracks.

Law and science, as has been proven repeatedly, mean shit to these fuckers. I swear to God, NOTHING, NOTHING is as important as their egos and protecting their friends’ cash. If you just can’t force yourself to read the whole piece, let me break down Cheney’s essential governing philosophy:

Having a drought, fuck the fish. Want to buy tanks instead of levies, fuck New Orleans. Want alternative fuel, fuck you. The Saudis and my friends down in Houston are still gonna get paid. Think I can’t get away with it – I once shot a friend in the face and Jay Leno was making jokes about it the next day. I am Dick Cheney. I can get away with anything.

Joe says impeach Cheney first.