You know - for the kids...

Sunday, December 31, 2006

Oy

As of today, 3000 dead in Iraq.

Happy New Year.

And it comes down to this…

So Saddam has met his fate; execution at the hands of the people he has tormented for so many years. The whole filthy affair in Iraq can be summed in this one little episode; a climax of retribution for Iraqis, the Neo-cons and George (he tried to kill my Daddy) Bush. They get the act of savagery they have been salivating over like some many starving mongrels let loose in butcher shop, ultimately yielding nothing but another body on the pile.

Let me be very clear about this. I could not give a fuck if they just threw the bastard into the middle of Sadr City and let the locals rip him limb from limb, Coucesceau style. Saddam was an awful person and deserved a fate much worse than he received. What I fear, however, is that his execution will be remembered as the high-water mark of our invasion; that the death of Hussein will represent the best thing we did for the Iraqi people. We have ignited a civil war, wrecked the economy and infrastructure, and essentially created hell on Earth for a generation of pissed off, disaffected or otherwise malcontent Iraqis.

Furthermore, we have achieved neither of the ignoble but nonetheless important goals for which this misguided affair was launched; oil and security. There will be no massive US bases from which we can launch “pacification” missions in an unstable Middle East. In fact, our ability to project power has been severely diminished. None of the other nations in the region will be chomping at the bit to host a US force as they were during the first Iraq War. And most certainly, we will not have access to the enormous and largely untapped Iraqi petroleum reserves. Whoever comes out on top in the civil war cannot afford to be seen as the vassal to US or British oil companies; that kind of behavior will land one in the gallows just like Saddam.

Our one shining achievement, for all of the lost blood and treasure, is the death of a madman. It hardly seems worth the sacrifice.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Biden is in




















Joe Biden and his unfortunate hairline are running for President. Putting aside from the fact that Biden is a tool of the credit card industry, which alone should sink his bid, his hair is not good enough to be our leader. That may sound petty and lame but I am dead serious. There are reams of research showing that people, when given a choice, pick the taller person, the better dressed person, or the person with better hair. Even if he is the best person for the job (not something I even pretend to suggest BTW), that bizarre picket fence (plugs?) across his head is an absolute disqualifier.

President Ford is dead

As I am sure you know by now, Jerry Ford has died at the age of 93. Lots of people have lots of opinions about the importance of Ford’s tenure, his pardon of Richard Nixon, and his legacy as the unelected “Accidental President”. But the bigger issue is the era and the values that the man represented. Ford was a pragmatist, funny and self-deprecating, and well respected for his integrity and humility. Until his elevation, Ford was a long serving member of Congress. He understood that your opponent was not your mortal enemy and that it is more important find common ground on issues rather than highlighting divergence. He was the last President to hold office in a period of Congressional collegiality; when partisan rancor was minimal and at the end of the day, members on both sides of the aisle could put aside their policy differences and have a civil drink with each other. How the times have changed...

When government works

The bald eagle is a truly majestic bird. If you have never seen one up close and personal, it is hard to describe just how impressive they are. As far as national symbols go, we could hardly have done better.

When DDT reduced the population to fewer than 500 breeding pairs, many thought extinction was inevitable. In an effort to prevent their extinction, the government protected the birds under the Endangered Species Act. For this reason, I find it incredibly satisfying that today bald eagles number some 7000 breeding pairs and as such, will be de-listed as an endangered species. It is also heartening to know that government protection can successfully contribute to a species’ revival.

Hopefully, similar action can save the polar bear.

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Happy Christmahanakwanza!

Whatever you celebrate and in whatever way, I wish everyone (even George Bush) a day of peace, joy and happiness. We can all use one...

Friday, December 22, 2006

Doing the Commonwealth proud

Rep. Virgil Goode has shamed himself and the people that he represents by sending a letter to hundreds of Virginians lamenting the election of the first Muslim to US Congress and warning of a coming wave of Islamic immigration that threatens American values, blah, blah, blah…

In his letter, which was dated Dec. 5, Goode said that Americans needed to "wake up" or else there would "likely be many more Muslims elected to office and demanding the use of the Koran."

"I fear that in the next century we will have many more Muslims in the United States if we do not adopt the strict immigration policies that I believe are necessary to preserve the values and beliefs traditional to the United States of America and to prevent our resources from being swamped," said Goode, who vowed to use the Bible when taking his own oath of office.

Yes, yes, I see it too; swarming hordes of dark skinned heathens ransacking our nation, deafening us with the call to prayer, and smashing all of the Baby Jesus figurines in everyone’s nativities. These are the bat shit crazy ravings of a paranoid lunatic. Maybe not as bas as Ann Coulter’s Greatest Hit “we should invade their countries, kill their leaders, and convert them to Christianity” bad, but still, one would think that a politician would recognize this as a monumental screw up and apologize. But not our Mr. Goode; he is sticking to his guns.

WASHINGTON — Rep. Virgil H. Goode Jr. (R-Va.) on Thursday stood by his demand for strict immigration controls that he said would prevent Muslims from being elected to Congress and using the Koran during swearing-in ceremonies.

[Snip]

"I do not apologize, and I do not retract my letter," Goode said emphatically during a session Thursday with reporters in the southern Virginia town of Rocky Mount. Questioned later on Fox News Channel's "Your World," he said, "I am for restricting immigration so that we don't have a majority of Muslims elected to the House of Representatives."

Ah, stoking bigotry and jingoism with the utterly ridiculous fear of a Congress dominated by blood-lusting heretics Muslims. Well played sir, well played. I know all Virginians will walk a little taller today, steps lifted with pride, that you, Mr. Goode, represent us.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

A Festivus for the rest of us

The Holidays are always a weird period of time. The stress, the crowds, the time spent with relatives; all of it can be overwhelming. For that reason, I loved the idea of Festivus, the Costanza Christmas, featuring a Spartan yet emblematic aluminum pole. Well, a marketing genius at The Wagner Companies, a hand railing manufacturer, decided to sell a Festivus line of poles for the season.

The Milwaukee-based maker of hand-railing components is bringing back its line of Festivus poles for the holiday season. The company had plenty of metal rails on hand already and launched the product last year on a whim.

"We did it mainly as a lark. We never looked at it as a tremendous moneymaking scheme," said Tony Leto, the firm's executive vice president of sales and marketing. "But in many ways, Festivus is taking on a life of its own."

Wagner, which made $15 million last year from products including handrail brackets and pipe elbows, earned only a few thousand dollars from Festivus pole sales. Leto said the company received some media publicity upon launch of the poles but he credits bloggers with strong "Seinfeld" loyalties for spreading the news far and wide.

Wagner sold about 250 poles in 2005, with around 100 sales coming from the firm's 120 employees. This season, it sold about 300 poles by mid-December and was on pace to sell twice that number by Saturday, said Leto, whose claim to fame is that he shared a drama class with Jerry Seinfeld at Queens College in New York.

Wagner offers a 6-foot Festivus pole for $38 and a 2-foot-8-inch tabletop model for $30. The setup is simple: a hollow pipe, 1.9 inches in diameter, inserted into a collapsible aluminum base.

Too funny. And BTW, don’t most family holidays have an airing of grievances or that just my clan...

Science is cool

Let’s see a convincing argument for Creationism in the face of this.

CHESTER, England - In an evolutionary twist, Flora the Komodo dragon has managed to become pregnant all on her own without any male help. She is carrying seven baby Komodo dragons.

"We were blown away when we realized what she'd done," said Kevin Buley, a reptile expert at Flora's home at the Chester Zoo in this town in northern England. "But we certainly won't be naming any of the hatchlings Jesus."


Seriously, I want the zoo to name one of these guys Jesus. An immaculate conception with a birth date this close to Christmas; sounds like a no-brainer to me. If for no other reason than to hear Pat Robertson get all righteously indignant or see Bill O’Reilly freak out about the secularist’s War on Christmas. That’s good fun!

Bayh is out, Edwards is in, and Gilmore is thinking about it

More Presidential fun – Evan Bayh has decided not to run. IMHO, that is a good thing. I have no love for Bayh and I will have a difficult time supporting anyone that voted for the Iraq war. Edwards vote for the war is somewhat redeemed by the fact that he is an economic populist with a terrific message. The “Two Americas” theme is especially pertinent given the bonus news from Wall Street (more on that business later). That said he is still not on my dream ticket – still holding out for Gore/Obama.

On the other side of the aisle, former Virginia Governor James Gilmore appears to be weighing a decision to run. Aside from being arch-conservative, anti-tax zealot, the guy was an awful executive. He, in collusion with the State House Republicans, damn near bankrupted the Commonwealth with their insistence on disposing of the car tax. Mark Warner had to step in and raise taxes just to balance the books. Indeed, Gilmore’s legacy of fiscal recklessness has sorely exacerbated Virginia’s chronic shortfall of transportation funds. That issue is still the overriding budget issue tem years after he took office. Just imagine the damage this guy could do at the Federal level. Oy…

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Judith Regan fired from HarperCollins

Rupert Murdoch has had a long history of pushing the bounds of taste. The O.J. Simpson non-confessional murder by the numbers book, to be published by Regan, crossed Murdoch’s line and Regan was fired for it. I say good riddance. General consensus is that Judith Regan was a pretty awful person. Just check out the tenor of here wiki and you will have some idea why the publishing world will shed few tears over her departure.

So very, very lame

So, according to Time Magazine, I am Person of the Year. And so are you, and you, and you, etc. Hurray! We are all winners, just like Mommy said!

Jesus, what a cop out…

Friday, December 15, 2006

At long last, the Reign of Rumsfeld ends

Finally.

WASHINGTON — President Bush says goodbye to outgoing Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld at a full-honors ceremony on Friday.

Rumsfeld leaves his post after six years. Former CIA Director Robert Gates will replace him on Monday.

To my mind, it is not so much goodbye as good riddance. Rummy should have gotten the boot years ago. At any rate, Gates appears to be a step in the right direction.

Someone get Hollywood on the phone














This story is just too bizarre to not have a movie made.

BEIJING - The long arms of the world's tallest man reached in and saved two dolphins by pulling out plastic from their stomachs, state media and an aquarium official said Thursday.

Aside from being the world’s tallest man, Bao Xishun may be among the bravest. Dolphins have some seriously sharp teeth. That guy risked his arm (at the very least) to save these fish.

New Jersey is for lovers

Kudos to the Garden State for approving same sex unions.

According to the New Jersey bill, two people who enter into a civil union "shall have all of the same benefits, protections and responsibilities under law, whether they derive from statute, administrative or court rule, public policy, common law or any other source of civil law, as are granted to spouses in a marriage."

To me, the issue has always been equality before the law. This bill seems to grant that. As I heard one Jersey legislature put it on NPR this morning (and I am paraphrasing), “the argument has been changed from one of equality, to one of labels”. That, IMHO, is a much less significant discussion.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Now that is humiliating

NEW ORLEANS - Call it a sign of the times for Louisiana's embattled governor: A chance to dine with Gov. Kathleen Blanco fetched a winning bid of $1 at a recent fundraising auction hosted by a group of business leaders.

One dollar - Ouch.

Ghoulfest

As you may have heard, Sen. Tim Johnson (D-SD) was stricken yesterday with what were called “stroke like” symptoms. He was diagnosed with arteriovenous malformation, a condition causing blood vessels in the brain to tangle. He had successful brain surgery and, while listed in critical condition, doctors say that he is recovering.

Whenever a sitting Senator undergoes any surgery, it is news. But the slant of the reporting in this case has been purely, ghoulishly political. If Johnson dies or is otherwise unable to serve, South Dakota’s Republican Governor could replace the Democrat with a Republican, shifting the Senate back to GOP control. The fact that the guy was in mortal danger seems an afterthought to the chattering classes infinitely more interested in the balance of power story. Hell, it seems some folks are actively rooting for his incapacitation, just so the storyline can get more interesting. Washington is a town with some whacked out priorities.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

This is bad - really, really bad

Josh Marshall over at the Talking Points Memo wrote a disturbing post regarding the sudden resignation and departure of the Saudi ambassador to the US. He goes on to explore the possibility that the neo-cons in the Pentagon are seriously considering a triple bank shot of regional alliance realignment in which the US trades our traditional Sunni allies (Egypt, Saudi Arabia) for Shiites (Iran, Iraq, and the northern, oil soaked Shiite territory of Saudi Arabia). To accomplish this feat, the US will ramp up troop levels in Iraq to, once and for all, crush the insurgency and install a pro-US government. Folks are referring to this as ‘doubling down’; expect to hear a lot more of that term. Who knows where we get the troops from, but I expect this strategy will break the back of the Army and Marines. Both services are looking at a pretty bare cupboard right now. This would be Bad Option #1. Anyway, the speculation is that the Saudis got wind of this idea and, as one can imagine, didn’t think much of it. And just like that, the ambassador is gone.

To make matters worse, the Saudis are now saying that if the US pulls out, the Kingdom will back the Iraqi Sunnis. That move would essentially transform the Iraqi civil war into a proxy fight between the Saudi backed Sunnis, the Iranian back Shiites, and the semi-independent Kurds looking to establish a sovereign Kurdistan. For all intents and purposes, Iraq’s neighbors can be drawn into this fight. If that happens, we are looking at is the worst possible outcome for Iraq: partition and a larger, regional conflict. I will call this Bad Option #2.

Presumably, the Kurds declare independence in the North, most likely triggering a war with Turkey. The West would probably form a Sunni Iraq, and the South and East create either a Shiite sovereign state or are absorbed by Iran. Now for the really fun part; Sunni Saudi Arabia and Shiite Iran can’t stand each other because of their religious differences and their ongoing regional rivalry. Those two nations dislike Turkey because of the brutal legacy of the Ottoman Empire. There are long memories in this neighborhood and abuse at the hands of the Ottoman Turks 80 or 100 years ago is still fresh in mind. Plus, the Turks are largely secular. As such, Turkey has no taste at all for the dominance of religion in Iran or Saudi Arabia and vice versa. Further complicating things, Turkey has an army capable of taking on both nations and capturing a good bit of the oil in northern Iraq.

In this scenario, Turkey, Saudi Arabia, and Iran are nose to nose, each with an ax to grind against the others, and an incentive to get into the fight. Now, all of this is pure speculation based on rumor, some history, and my own lack of optimism when it comes to US Iraq policy so take it for a grain of salt. But if this thing plays out as I have described, there will be millions of lives, billions of barrels of oil, and a good chunk of the world economy on the line.

So let's recap the choices that our policy has birthed. If we stay, Bad Option #1 may just throw the US military into a death spiral by following to ‘double down’ strategy. If we leave, Bad Option #2 opens the door to a regional conflict that would enflame the whole Middle East and lay waste to the world economy. Finally, we have Bad Option #3, stay the course and hope something, anything breaks our way and gives us other, hopefully less bad, avenues out of this quagmire.

Heck of a job, Bushie, heck of a job…

One last upset

Democrat Ciro Rodriguez pulled a major upset yesterday; defeating seven term incumbent Republican Henry Bonilla 54-45 in a runoff for the 23rd District in Texas. For the record, that means 31 pickups for the Democrats.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Congratulations to the Webb family

From the Pilot:

WASHINGTON – U.S. Sen.-elect Jim Webb picked up an important new constituent early today as his wife, Hong Le Webb, delivered a 7 pound, 3 ounce baby girl.

Georgia LeAnh Webb and her mother were reported doing well at Fairfax Hospital. Webb’s office said the newborn’s first name was taken from the senator-elect’s mother, Georgia Doyle Hodges. LeAnh is taken from Hong Webb’s Vietnamese family name, Le, and a common Vietnamese middle name, Anh.

The Webbs have five other children from previous marriages.

Tom Tomorrow's Year in Review

Good Lord, it is not pretty.

Kucinich to tilt against more windmills

Rep. Dennis Kucinich (D-Ohio) is going to launch another futile bid for the Democratic Presidential nomination. FWIW, there is a very good chance this may be the first and last time you hear about the Kucinich in 2008 campaign. Apparently, the drubbing he got in 2004 didn’t disabuse him of the idea that he stands a chance. I mean, God bless the guy; his heart is in the right place but his head? He is too liberal even by my standards, is terrible on the campaign trail, and looks like a kid on television. Hell, I laughed my ass off during one of the 2004 debates when Al Sharpton just ran circles around the guy.

So good luck Don Quixote; may the road rise to meet you.

A whole lot of crazy in one room

When one wants to have a frank and open examination of the Holocaust, Iran does not spring to mind as the ideal site for such a conference. Particularly when David Duke is on the guest list and the leader of the host nation has publicly called for the destruction of Israel. Holocaust denial is a realm populated by some very twisted people with a sick, sick agenda. I sort of dismiss these crackjobs – their ideas cannot be taken seriously by anyone with half a brain.

Putting away my basic disgust with the whole premise of this gathering (So aside from that Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?), what really galls me is having a fucking Klansman whine about European speech laws from that bastion of free expression, Iran. He even threw in a few kind words for Iran’s President Ahmadinejad. If there were any justice in this world, Duke would be dead from an irony overdose.

Organizers and participants touted the conference as a scholarly gathering aimed at discussing the Holocaust away from Western taboos and the restrictions imposed on scholars in Europe. In Germany, Austria and France, it is illegal to deny aspects of the Holocaust.

Duke, a former Louisiana state representative, praised Ahmadinejad for his "courage" in holding a conference "to offer free speech for the world's most repressed idea: Holocaust revisionism."

"In Europe, you can freely question, ridicule and deny Jesus Christ. The same is true for the Prophet Muhammad, and nothing will happen to you," Duke said. "But offer a single question of the smallest part of the Holocaust and you face prison."


It is nice to see that Herr David Duke’s star has risen so high that he rubs shoulders with the likes of these people. That is fitting justice – this conglomeration of assholes deserves each other.

Monday, December 11, 2006

You must be kidding me

Louisiana voters have always been comfortable with a level of corruption in their elected officials that would not be tolerated anywhere else. From Governor Edwin Edwards to the state insurance scandals (three consecutive commissioners went to jail) to current Rep. William (of the $90,000 cash in the freezer fame), the state and New Orleans, especially, will elect some seriously distasteful and dishonest people.

That is the only explanation I can come up with for Jefferson’s runoff victory. In the current electoral environment, with so much emphasis on throwing the bums out and cleaning up corruption and graft, I guess New Orleans voters just said “Fuck It” and by a 57% to 43% margin (?!?!?!). This very Democratic city had a choice between a clean Democrat, Karen Carter, and a corrupt one and they still chose Jefferson. Is there a threshhold for being too dirty to win in New Orleans? Seriously, WTF?

Obamamania

It appears that the Barak Obama Tsunami of Great Expectations has overwhelmed the Granite State and the national media’s general sense of perspective. The press coverage of the Illinois Junior Senator’s visit to New Hampshire has been positively fawning. NPR, the Washington Post, the AP, New York Times, et al were falling all over themselves this weekend, praising his style and genuflecting at the alter of his still unannounced candidacy. It almost feels like the press wants to coronate Obama as the Anti-Hillary for 2008. And while I am no fan HRC in ’08, this state of affairs makes me very uncomfortable. The guy may be the Democratic rock star of the moment but the hype surrounding him is just insane.

Yes, Obama is articulate, good on most issues, and has a near prefect back story. But he has only held statewide office for two years, is still a very green pol, and has no foreign policy experience. The last time we elected someone with a resume that thin, we got George W. Bush.

So please, let’s not get carried away with this yet.

Teaching old school

For reasons I am as yet unable to determine, I think this is really cool. A Scottish school is requiring their pupils to become proficient with the fountain pen (which BTW is no mean feat). By making students use fountain pens, the kids are compelled to be more careful and conscientious with their work. As a result, academic performance has improved. As cliché as the expression is, sometimes little things can make a difference.

Friday, December 08, 2006

A happy thought for the day

Today is the final session of the 109th Congress, ending 12 years of Republican dominance.

If reading that didn’t put a smile on your face, then you are a conservative.

Anything to make a buck

There are bad ideas and then there are malevolent, evil ideas. Just read the opening bit of this AP story and tell me why any sane or socially conscious person would think this a good or safe thing to do.

WASHINGTON - The Bush administration is considering doing away with health standards that cut lead from gasoline, widely regarded as one of the nation's biggest clean-air accomplishments.

Battery makers, lead smelters, refiners all have lobbied the administration to do away with the Clean Air Act limits.


Protecting the bottom line of polluters is more important than insuring that the air and water near your home will not devastate the development of your kids. I am speechless…

Pointless

I haven’t mentioned the whole Iraq Study Group thing because quite frankly, I don’t think any of it will make a difference. George Bush is too damn stubborn to substantively change our Iraq policy. He is going to do exactly what he wants, consequences be damned, because his gut is so much fucking smarter than anyone else. He is going to stay the course until his term expires; leaving the tragic, tangled mess to the poor bastard that follows him. The ISG exercise, the report recommendations, the whole lot really, is an exercise in futility. Consider this excerpt from the AP story about Bush’s reaction to the report.

"We have a classic case of circling the wagons," says a former adviser to Bush the elder. "If President Bush changes his policy in Iraq in a fundamental way, it undermines the whole premise of his presidency. I just don't believe he will ever do that."

Precisely – the war and everything else about this Presidency have been about the greater glory to Bush and his buddies. As long as the illusion of infallibility exists in W’s head, our troops will still be in Iraq. Poppy and his friends (and the rest of us as well) are just gonna have to deal with it.

The Horn of Africa blows up

Back in July, I wrote this post about the coming war between Somalia, Ethiopia, and Eritrea. Looks like today is the day.

A sad day for baseball

I listened to a little of the Mike and Mike Show on the way into work today They were discussing implications of Barry Bonds re-signing with the Giants. Let me just say from the outset that I do not like Bonds. I think he is an egomaniacal jerk. On paper, he may be the greatest slugger of all time, but he is an ass.

Bonds’ decision to play next year means that, barring injury, he will break Henry Aaron’s all time home run record. That is sad. Henry Aaron is a great man who had to endure racism and even death threats on his way to overtaking the Babe. People booed him, threw things at him, and derided him because a black man was going to break the record of the greatest white player in history. But Aaron persevered, and he did it with dignity, respect for the game, and without the steroids that have made a mockery of baseball’s record books. Hank made himself a legend by being a great player and an even better man. Bonds secured his legacy by being a great player made better through pharmacology. It is a real shame that now, Aaron and Bonds will forever be linked. That is unfair to Aaron because the man deserves so much better.

When Bonds hits number 756, Aaron has said that he will not be watching. You know what; neither will I.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Mary Cheney is pregnant

Congratulations to Mary, her partner, and the Cheney family. Unfortunately, I don’t think the Republican Party base is going to be nearly as thrilled. In fact, the Pat Robertson wing needs to be put on suicide watch.

And to think, people here freak out about the Teletubbies

I saw this on CNN last night and had trouble finishing it. My only conclusion is that there is some very weird shit going on in the Netherlands. A nation’s television programming may not be the Rosetta Stone for said nation’s culture but it does say quite a lot about where they are as a society. Television in Holland proves that the Dutch are absolute freaks. Not every one of them, as the article explains, but enough for the following to happen.

Some weeks ago, Rotterdam-based columnist Hugo Borst was watching the daily news on family channel RTL with his 11-year-old son while having dinner. At 6:45 p.m. -- with no warning -- father and son were witness to excerpts from a home video showing the goalkeeper of a Dutch professional soccer team being introduced in embarrassingly intimate terms to a sex toy by a girlfriend.

Freaks. Read the whole thing but don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

NYC bans trans fat

OK – I am really of two minds on this. On the one hand, trans fats are terribly bad for you and there are many acceptable substitutes available. Indeed, I do a good bit of the cooking for my family and cannot remember the last time I used partially hydrogenated vegetable oil. But on the other, do we really want governments prohibiting the use of certain ingredients, which if eaten in moderation, pose no real health risk?

I was once a fast food junky and while I still enjoy the occasional Wendy’s Single with cheese, I have cut the fried food from my diet almost completely. After seeing what thirty days of MacDonald’s did to Morgan Spurlock in Super Size Me, I didn’t need much more encouragement. But seriously, have we become a nation that must be saved from ourselves? To put it another way, should we be free to eat ourselves to death, if that is what we choose to do?

The joys of parenthood – Santa Edition

This past Sunday, the family packed up the baby wagon and headed, like every red blooded American, to the mall for some Christmas cheer and a photo shoot with the Big Man himself, Santa. Lo wanted a fabulous shot of our darling boy perched on Santa’s knee, smiling sweetly into the camera. Last year’s picture was so good that we used it for our Xmass cards and Lo wanted to do the same this year.

We get to the mall early and head in, only to be greeted with an absent Santa. A very angry and, as you will soon learn, very wrong lady informed us that Santa will arrive at noon. It was 10:30; we had an hour and a half to kill. So, we shopped but we both were a little concerned that J. would not be able to go that long without a nap. Kids, I am learning, are somewhat timebombish in that respect.

After about forty fives minutes of shameless consumerism, we were back in the section of the mall that houses Santa’s Village. It was at this time that Lo looked down over the balcony to find Santa hard at work with a line of about 50 people waiting their turn. Aaaaaaarrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh! The angry lady screwed us! I hope one day to find that angry lady and give her bad directions or something.

Anyway, we chose to get in the queue ASAP – one of us would stand in line while the other handled J., who, it must be noted, had been a trooper thus far. But after a good twenty minutes, J. started to get fidgety. It was decided that I would take him up the kid’s play area and Lo would call me when we got close. J. and I kill another twenty minutes in PlayLand. Back in line again, we switch off between occupying J. (so exhausting) and waiting in line (so boring).

Finally, we get to the main event. Lo positions herself directly in front of Santa to distract J. while I lead him over to see the Man in Red. We get within five feet of Santa before our fears are realized. As if on cue, our little darling goes thermonuclear. Santa has officially freaked my child out. Wailing, screaming, tears flowing like a pissed off little river; his face nearly perfectly matching the festively red shirt Lo picked out for the affair. We took maybe three shots, each more ghastly than the proceeding one as the tantrum really started to gain momentum. Lo and I looked at each other; we knew Santa has defeated us. No great Christmas cards and two hours wasted; it was a most dispiriting morning. Exhausted, beaten, and empty-handed, we departed the battlefield quickly.

But I am an optimist when it comes to things of this nature. Next year, we triumph over that child-scaring red clad icon of Christmas.

So mark my words Fat Man, we will get that picture next year. Oh yes, next year indeed.

Monday, December 04, 2006

My favorite Republican for 2008

As it stands today, the Republican nomination for President will come down to McCain versus Giuliani. No one else is even close. But the religious conservatives really don’t like either of those choices. These folks make up a huge bloc of votes in the Primaries and, as such, have a disproportionate influence on who gets the nod. They are fed up with their elected reps talking the talk on their issues but never following through. Abortion is still legal and prayer in schools is not. In short, they want action.

This large and restive wing of the Republican Party may finally throw their support behind a “real” conservative Christian. Senator Sam Brownback wants to be that guy. Brownback is a wingnut’s wingnut and a theocrat; so conservative he makes your head hurt. For that reason, I would love to see him win the nomination. Here is a taste of the crazy:

This fall, he blocked a Michigan judge's elevation to the federal bench because she had attended a family friend's lesbian commitment ceremony in Massachusetts in 2002, before same-sex marriage was legal there.

"It seems to speak about her view of judicial activism," Brownback said last month. "That's something I want to inquire of her further."

Actually Senator, it speaks to her being a good friend and to your own bigotry, but I digress…

Getting back to my point, I firmly believe that a public debate on banning all abortions period or outlawing sodomy nationwide or demanding that prayer be integrated into public schools will, at long last, demonstrate to the majority of Americans just how batshit crazy this movement is. Brownback and his ilk want to remake America into a Christian theocratic state. A full airing of a “real” Christian conservative’s ultimate goals will, I think anyway, put a stake in the heart of the movement. Americans like porn, gambling, and having the option of seeing their teenage daughters graduate high school before becoming mothers way too much to see those things outlawed.

This explains a lot

One of my co-workers gave me a calendar for Christmas last year– the 365 Stupidest Things Ever Said. Each day, there is a quote from someone making an ass of themselves. Some are hilarious, others just plain scary. Yesterday’s quote was a window into the head of Donald Rumsfeld regarding his role as the Secretary of Defense:

“I’m not into the detail stuff. I’m more concepty”.

Concepty... Good Lord, I am glad the man is on the way out but it is terrifying what six years of concepty has wrought.

The mustache calls it quits

John Bolton resigned, rendering moot the (horribly boring) argument over his nomination. I really didn’t care about the confirmation brouhaha over John Bolton’s appointment to be Ambassador to the UN. I still don’t. But, it is a pretty telling sign of how weak Bush has become as both a President and as leader of his own party. The Administration can blame the Democrats for stopping Bolton’s confirmation all they want but the Republicans in Congress had no stomach for taking up another bruising fight on behalf of the President.

Friday, December 01, 2006

Tolerance

Dennis Prager is an idiot.

WASHINGTON — The first Muslim elected to Congress hasn't been sworn into office yet, but his act of allegiance has already been criticized by a conservative commentator.

In a column posted Tuesday on the conservative website Townhall.com, Dennis Prager blasted Minnesota Democrat Keith Ellison's decision to take the oath of office Jan. 4 with his hand on a Quran, the Muslim holy book.

"He should not be allowed to do so," Prager wrote, "not because of any American hostility to the Koran, but because the act undermines American culture."

He said Ellison, a convert from Catholicism, should swear on a Christian Bible — which "America holds as its holiest book. … If you are incapable of taking an oath on that book, don't serve in Congress."

If a Muslim wants to take the oath of office on the Koran, why bitch about it? Is it any different than a Jew doing same with the Torah or a Christian with the Bible? Mr. Prager needs a lesson on the First Amendment.

"Everyone has the right to freedom of thought, conscience and religion; this right includes freedom to change his religion or belief, and freedom, either alone or in community with others and in public or private, to manifest his religion or belief in teaching, practice, worship, and observance."

Ellison’s right to take the oath in a manner of his choosing is EXACTLY what the Constitution provides. That is American culture and American values. Religious freedom is one of the cornerstones of our democracy and a hallmark of this nation's greatness. If you can’t grasp that Mr. Prager, then shut the hell up…

Over before Mitt even started

Massachusetts Governor and Presidential aspirant Mitt Romney has made much noise about the evils of illegal immigration. In fact, it is widely suspected that immigration issues would be front and center in his campaign for the Republican nomination. Well, it seems that, for over a decade, he has been using illegal aliens to tend to his yard (so cliché). Romney’s comment to the Boston Globe reporter asking about the landscaping company is just awesome. Go read the excerpt. You can almost hear the sound of his ambitions being crushed. I think ole Mitt is going to have to dream another dream…

(hat tip to the Muckrakers)

George Will should shut his cryhole













George Will penned a whiny little screed about the dustup between Jim Webb and W, in which he decried Webb as a boor for refusing to kiss the Presidential ring. I say screw you George Will. And the same goes for the rest of the chattering class that got the vapors over this incident. For years, Democrats endured, shall we say, less than decorous treatment at the hands of Republicans. The big media types had nothing to say on the matter, having been bridled and bullied by fear of being labeled with the dread “liberal bias” accusation from conservatives.

Now, when a truly tough man decides that he is not going to accommodate a petulant Presidential tantrum, assholes like Will, R. Emmett Tyrrell, and the rest, start to bitch about manners and decency. Come the fuck on? No one said a peep when Newt Gingrich was calling liberals vile, decrepit, and evil (terms he actually recommended that his colleagues use in reference to Democrats). Where was this talk of decorum when Tom Delay and Rich Santorum were spouting off their crazy shit? If respect and etiquette and good behavior are so god damn important, why the hell does Rush Limbaugh or Sean Hannity have a platform from which to espouse their peculiar brand of vitriol?

The answer, of course, is that it does not count if you are Republican. So fuck this talk of manners and respect. It is time for the press the relearn the lesson that respect is something earned, not merely conveyed by the office one holds. Nora Ephron gets it – I wish like hell more Beltway types did.

Life is a beached container of Doritos

You have to love Hatteras Islanders. About once every three years, a big chunk of the island gets blown into the Sound by a hurricane. Getting around the island in a minor storm is no picnic. Living there is not exactly Swiss Family Robinson but bad luck and weather have a way of unexpectedly knocking out power or closing the bridges and ferries off the island. People there learn early on how to make the best of any situation. So what do they do when bags and bags of chips wash ashore? They scavenge – somebody had to pick them up, right?