Geldings unite

For those that missed Stephen Colbert's satiric beatdown of our Preznit at the White House Correspondents Dinner, Crooks and Liars has the video. Colbert just kills it. He reaches out and verbally cuts Bush's balls off in full view of Laura. It is scathing, sarcastic, and funny as hell. But the really revealing thing is the muted applause and generally cool reception Colbert received from the (supposedly tough and independent) press corps. He basically called out Bush to his face, in full view of the Press and a few hundred Washington big-time types. Something very few of these clowns have the stones to do. Colbert not only shivved him - he buried it, grabbed a club of his own transcripts, and beat him with his own words. Beautiful to see.

And somewhere high above, Hunter S. Thompson is firing up a monster load, smiling his demonic smile, and thinking to himself, "Good work my boy, now don't let the bastards keep you down".

Just a reminder

Bin Laden and Al-Zawahiri are still alive.

Rich wingnut hypocrite junkie gets sweetheart deal

So Limbaugh gets 18 months of court-ordered drug treatment, a $30,000 fine, and upon completion of his rehab program, dismissal of all charges. Are you fucking kidding me? Is the State Attorney on this case a subscriber to the Limbaugh letter? I am going to guess that if this smug bastard was non-white and too broke to afford Roy Black to represent him, we would have a much different outcome.

Got any faith-based hookers?

At first, this story seemed too unlikely to be believed, but great Caesar’s ghost, it seems to true. For the past few days, the blogosphere has been talking up the fallout of the former Rep. Duke Cunningham (Republican - CA) bribery scandal. Mitch Wade and Brent Wilkes were partners in MZM, a defense contracting software firm. Wade pleaded guilty to bribing Cunningham and has been cooperating with the FBI's ongoing investigation. And Wade is singing.

Via ThinkProgress, it now appears that Wilkes, under suspicion of bribery himself, has been operating a D.C. prostitution ring servicing both elected and high level political appointees for the past 15 years. Dean Calbreath of the San Diego Union Tribune has been reporting the Cunningham story from the start. Last night on Scarborough Country, he revealed that as many as 6 more Congressmen will be implicated. Calbreath stated that Wilkes had arranged for a limo service to take the hookers to the Westin and Watergate hotels. Wow -The Watergate!!!!!! It is hard for me to believe that anyone could be that stupid but there you have it. If you are a politician and you are fucking hookers provided by the defense contractor that is bribing you, you would think at least not to use the Watergate. The irony should have killed them on the spot. These peoples' corruption and sheer idiocy know no bounds. They can't even spell Ethics.

Slinging hash

I have served, cooked, bussed, washed dishes, and tended bar. I appreciate good service when I get it because I understand that it is a hard job. Difficult in the best circumstances and homicide-inducing in the worst (check out WaiterRant – for a view from the other side of the apron). Restaurant culture is a microcosm of so much of the rest of life that L (who has done her time in food service) and I have long said that everyone should be forced to spend a year serving, cooking, whatever. It will teach you humility, patience, and the art of revenge. I want to kill anyone that says "how hard is your job" to their server when someone drops the ball in a restaurant. And it is always the front of the house that takes the abuse when the staff is in the weeds. Preface complete, I take you to yesterday:

So L., baby J., my brother A., and I took my dad to dinner last night for his birthday. We went to Fellini's, which in west Norfolk, is something of a neighborhood institution. Casual, great pizza, pasta and salads, and funky enough to have nude photo portraits in the Men's. As we settled J. into his highchair, L. realized that the baby food was not warm enough and asked if our waitress could throw it in the microwave for a bit. She eagerly complied. Dinner moved on and we fed J. crackers, baby food green beans, and diced chicken. Some of which actually made its way into his mouth. Most, it seemed, landed on the floor, the chair, him, and the table. At the end of the meal, I tried to clean up the mess as best as I could without use of a broom, dustpan, sponge and mop. Needless to say, my family had pretty much destroyed this woman's station. I thanked her for a job well done, apologized for the mess, and tipped her well.

As we walked out, my thoughts moved to 'Waiting', the movie we had seen the week before. If you have ever served food, this movie should hit home.
‘Waiting” is the story a bunch of miscreants that serve the customers of Shenanigans, a theme joint complete with zany signs and a working stoplight on the wall. I will provide no spoilers for the movie, but I highly recommend it to anyone that has ever put on a happy face for assholes that don't appreciate your work or expect you to act like a thankless slave for the duration of their sitting. And it clearly drives home the lesson to every schmuck that has needlessly harassed, hectored, or mocked someone in a position to feed you. You never, ever fuck with the people that serve you your food.

And to everyone else, take care of those that take care of you.

A difference without a distinction

Something that has bugged me and I don't think I will ever understand is the argument over gay marriage. I will never be gay, nor will I understand why gay marriage is so vehemently opposed by some people that object to the homosexual lifestyle. I guess it is just me. But I come at this with a few assumptions that make this whole discussion a befuddlement.

1. Marriage is, if the participants wish, a binding contract before their chosen God/Goddess/Justice of the Peace/Cruise Ship Captain. This portion of the contract carries whatever significance the participants in the contract attach to it. They only need to agree to the terms of the officiant's deal.

2. Marriage is a social contract stipulating multiply benefits and obligations to both parties before the eyes of the law. Depending on the laws of State or Commonwealth in which the marriage is transacted, the benefits and obligation vary accordingly but are pretty universal. Tax benefits, familial privilege, inheritance, etc.

3. A marriage is between two consenting adults. Pets (much to Sen. Santorum's dismay, animals do not have that level of cognitive ability), kids, and extra adults cannot join in. "Big Love" may argue the polygamy point of view but try that shit with your wife. You would be lucky find out where she mailed your penis.

4. If you do it for any other reason than you love each other, then you are so, so wrong.

If you disagree with my assumptions, that’s fine. But this is where I am coming from.

Having said that, I cannot understand the extreme argument on either side. The folks that say that anything other the 'Full Blown Marriage' for gay couples is unacceptable are, I think, missing the point. I don’t really understand what that means. States are beginning to come around to the Civil Union position. If married gay couples can have the benefits and obligations of marriage, the separate but equal argument is irrelevant. They can attach to their marriage whatever significance they want; just as everyone else does. Add two people that love each other, and that is a marriage to me.

On the other side, people that object to any sort of Civil Union arrangement just strike me as too high on the hobby horse. The constant argument is that gay marriage will devalue the premium society places on the union between a man and a woman. Well that is just bullshit. Half of marriages end in divorce. Most of America revels in celebrity divorce drama. If they really wanted to push the value of wedlock, then outlaw divorce. See how far that gets. Going after people that may be homosexual, but are still willing to commit to each other, is discriminatory. PERIOD. If Brittany Spears can be married for 55 hours, ditch, and not be disciplined, then nothing about the institution is sacred or holy other than what the participants put into it. My marriage is in no way affected by what happens in San Francisco or Massachusetts or Hollywood. If your marriage is, ditch or fix it. You have problems either way.

Buyers remorse is a bitch

<---- This man has no idea what he is doing








Via Eschaton, I see that Bush the Decider is at 32% approval in the latest CNN poll. I cannot tell you how good this makes me feel. It's like that first sip of coffee on a cold Saturday morning. So what you needed that you have to say, "umm, I needed that". Schadenfreude can be a wonderful thing (I love the old joke that it took the Germans to come up with a word for pleasure derived from the misfortunes of others), but the knowledge that the policies that got him to these Nixonian levels crushes that pleasure. The policies have killed thousands of Americans, untold numbers of Iraqis, destroyed fiscal sanity in Congress, a major American city, and our hard-earned reputation. Knowledge of that is a buzzkill for anything.

So screw the Chimp. He even makes me feel bad for feeling good.

Because she rules

L - I love you with everything I have. That is all.

Joe lives in an imperfect world...

In Joe's world, an idiot lives in the White House. America is at war and thousands have to pay the price for this folly. Gas is for sale at $3.15 per gallon as of today. Whisky is fast approaching that price per ounce. Our Congress is inhabited with whores and charlatans. Patriots are portrayed as scoundrels and liars. The Republic is in dark days indeed. My meager soapbox operates to sound this missive. I am a mere knave in the system, of shrill voice and nasty spirit.

But not all is lost. I implore all to take the sacrement of change and get the hell out there and make it happen. Vote bitches...

We live in perilous days my friends, perilous days.

Point it to the sky, light that motherfucker up, and make a change.

Our secret plan is a triple bank shot

The Pilot is reporting that the Commonwealth has a secret plan to entice Ford to retain the Norfolk assembly plant. I would be a helluva lot more confident in this scheme if they could let us know what it is. Apparently, Governor Kaine has not had "adequate" time to review the plan, and hence, the details cannot be revealed. Um, OK. What could be more pressing than saving 5,000 plus jobs affected by the closure? I am a big supporter of Tim Kaine but this recent new does not give me a warm fuzzy. So step up to the plate Guv we really need an assist here.

The Committee to Save Punk Rock soldiers on

I have a pretty broad range of musical tastes thanks in large part to the loving wife (HUGE hippie - just kidding dear) but 9 times out of 10, I am listening to something loud and fast. But finding good music has not always be easy. I came to musical conciousness when Poison was ALL the rage. Then, in the musical wilderness of '80s and early ‘90s hair metal, Nirvana dropped from the sky like a Messianic tour de force and path to sonic righteousness. Grunge had come to rescue us all. Then Grunge sort of fell to pieces when Cobain blew his head off. Pretty soon, every A&R guy went out looking for the next Kurt Cobain. The unfortunate side effect of this rediscovery of punk was that the bands they wanted had to be radio friendly. Hence, Blink-182 and Good Charlotte are huge while most of the bands on Hellcat records are still minor players in the music biz. I don't want to take anything away from the pop-punk scene - it has its place. But not in my music collection.

So in my head, I formed the Committee to Save Punk Rock. Think of them as the Justice League for the music your parents will hate. These were the guys out there playing loud, fast and smart music that has more to say than bitching about why everyone thinks you are weird. They have been doing it before the second wave of punk came rolling in. And they didn't change their music to increase their profile or make it friendlier to the radio. The founding members are Tim Armstrong and Lars Frederiksen of Rancid, Fat Mike of NOFX, Brett Gurewitz of Bad Religion, and Mike Ness of Social Distortion. Just as the Sex Pistols, the Clash, and the Ramones paved the way for the Dead Kennedys, the Misfits and the Talking Heads, these guys are doing the same for the pop-punk bands as well as lesser known folks like the Dropkick Murphys, Flogging Molly, Bouncing Souls, and Pennywise. And they are still churning the pit. Rancid has a new album out next spring. NOFX released their new one this week. Bad Religion is out touring this summer. Social D just finished a tour a few days ago. So to every fan of punk, I suggest we all thank our lucky stars for these folks. And to the Committee I say, keep making your music and I will keep buying.

Democratic Party, heal thy self.

Reuters is reporting the John Kerry is "thinking hard" about running again in 2008. Please, for the love of God, somebody talk him out of it. He was the least inspiring campaigner we put up since Walter Mondale. I supported Kerry last time out and was sorely disappointed in his performance. If you can't even muster a spirited defense of your own heroic military service against a pair of draft dodgers, then you lack the fire in the belly that the Democrat Party desperately needs. As yet, I don't have a candidate yet. I am intrigued by Wes Clark. I think Russ Feingold would be a breath of fresh air. But more than anything, we need someone that people can stand behind because of who he or she is, not just what they stand for or against. Hopefully, Democratic Party kingmakers will figure this out before it is too late. Electing Howard Dean to lead the DNC was a step in the right direction. I am praying that the momentum continues.

In the same vein, I just finished "Crashing the Gate" by Jerome Armstrong of MyDD and Markos Moulitsas Zuniga of DailyKos fame. I have read both blogs for a while now and saw the power that the online community can muster in a targeted manner. When Paul Hackett took on Jean Schmidt on the Ohio's 2nd (one of the reddest Congressional districts in the country), the online community pushed Hackett to within a hair's breadth of victory. On the last day of the race, the Hackett campaign sent call went out for $30,000 to fund voter turnout efforts. The blogs responded and raised $60,000 in 6 hours. That is power.

What was missing was a way to translate that power into a national movement. "Crashing the Gate" addresses that issue and a few others head on. It is a guidebook for tossing over the failed narrow strategy of conceding all red territory and focusing efforts on the few swing areas of the country. Kos and Armstrong also call for ditching the Beltway consultant class and their disastrous media strategy. The jokers make a killing by pushing candidates to spend huge money on TV and radio, while taking a cut of as much as 15% of the total spent. The prime example here is Bob Shrum. This guy is 0 for 8 in Presidential campaigns and people still long to hire him. WTF? If anyone was this ineffective in the private sector, they would be canned post haste.

The overall message of the book is that the Democratic Party must be overhauled. Power must be decentralized and transferred from the insiders like Kerry and Shrum, to the grassroots and netroots. Democrats must contend in every district to build a national movement with a national infrastructure. And now the web can be the vehicle to organize the takeover. Eli Pariser of MoveOn PAC, in a now famous email to the Democratic Party put it best:

"In the last year, the grass-roots contributors like us gave more than $300 million to the Kerry campaign and the DNC, and proved that the party doesn't need corporate cash to be competitive. Now it's our party: we bought it, we own it, and we are going to take it back."

It is a full throated call to arms. And, it is the only way that Democratic Party can once again be the Party of the people.

We should have seen this coming...

Our nation elected a pair of oilmen with the notion that they would bring a CEO mentality to government. They promised to bring a private sector management style, streamline policy and execution, and create an innovative energy strategy drawing from their extensive experience in the industry. What we should have known and now realize is that they brought an oil company CEO mentality to government. The best insight into this mentality came from Dick Cheney when he basically said conservation is a personal virtue but not the basis for a sound energy policy. With crude consistently above $70 a barrel, we are pursuing foreign (Iraq, Iran, etc.) and domestic (ANWAR, lack of mass transit or efficiency standard support) policies ensuring further windfall profits for Big Oil. Coupled with the ever-growing demand from China, plenty of petroleum analysts believe that prices with run up to over $100. So, at this point, does anyone still believe that this Administration is going to try to curb the growth in the price of gas? Does anyone still believe that they give a shit about how $4 gas is going to squeeze consumers? Does anyone think that these Big Oil barons are going to lift a finger to improve public transportation and give people the option of getting out of their cars?

The answer is a big, fat, oil soaked no. The only unanswered question is which meaningless social issue is going to be trotted out to distract us from this looming crisis. Gay marriage? Flag burning? Abortion? Creationism? War on Christmas? I am sure that Fox News with let us know soon enough.

You know a ventriloquist act is in trouble when the dummy quits

So Scott McClellan has given up his post as the Press Secretary. Speculation has been swirling for some time now but the ouster of Andy Card and subsequent replacement by Josh Bolten pushed the rumor into reality. The Administration is searching for ways to deflect criticism and distract the press from their plummeting poll numbers. And obviously, McClellan was the problem and he had to be run through. Iraq, Katrina, Social Security Reform (destruction), the Immigration disaster, the Harriet Myers debacle, the Intel and corruption scandals, Rumsfeld, and a nation giving Bush a 60% disapproval rating, that is all on McClellan. It had to be his fault for not conveying the message properly. Yeah - that's the ticket. But now that Scottie is on the way out, we can start over. It is morning in America and all of Chimpy's trespasses are washed away.

Well give me a break. The face of this crowd is more Cheney, Rove, and Delay rather than McClellan, Brown, or Powell. Ditching the spokesman does not improve a crap product. Scandal does not disappear with a new countenance.

I have to admit a certain grudging respect for 'ol Scottie. Despite the cascade of horrible news, he stuck it out for as long as he could. He carried Bush's water until he could do it no more. Think Sisyphus. It takes incredible fortitude and sheer will to wake up every day and know that you are going to get bitch slapped first thing in the morning by a 246 year old Helen Thomas. Helen has been doing this gig since the Kennedy administration. She has seen every trick in the book and is too old to give shit what the administration thinks of her. There is no change up that can get past her. And yet, he faced the gauntlet every day. Tilting a windmill once is noble. A second time is foolish. But to do it for three years, toting the same irredeemable bullshit, in service of a loser...
God bless him - he is loyalty personified. I may not like his politics or choice of friends but if I were in a foxhole with Scott McClellan, I would not worry about who has my back.


So to Mr. Spokesman - get some rest. You have earned it.

The face of Madness

Tom Cruise gets a lot of ink for his crazy talk about Scientology, psychotherapy, pharmaceuticals, etc. His bizarre behavior has been a mostly harmless spectacle in the endless circus of celebrity stargazing. Then, the nutty bastard starts spouting off about wanting to EAT HIS BABY'S PLACENTA. When you finish vomiting, read that again. This man is out of his fucking mind. I actually saw the placenta during the birth of J. and I can tell you, unequivocally and with recent experience, it looks nothing like food. And putting aside the obvious cannibalistic overtones here (a phrase I never thought I would write), what possible reason could one have to even consider this?

What Tom Cruise needs is not an afterbirth nosh, but an intervention.

An ugly ball for the beautiful game.

This hideous monstrousity is the official ball for World Cup '06 in Germany. It also definitively proves that Germans have no taste.

One of the great mystery's of modern life is how the US has escaped the nearly psychotic passion for soccer that grips the rest of the planet. I don't know how or why it happened, but it did. As the rest of the Earth gears up for the World Cup, America will greet the world's most important sporting event with indifference, bordering on hostility. Even while the Olympics were running in Italy; most Italians were more interested in the African Cup. Celtic vs. Rangers, Tottenham vs. Arsenal, A.C. Milan vs. Inter Milan - these are epic, monumental events in the lives of their fans. The Old Firm, as Celtic vs. Rangers is known, is basically a religious war for Glascow, fought on the pitch. People get killed for wearing the wrong jersey in the opponent's section. Tottenham vs. Arsenal is a battle for the hearts and minds of North London. AC and Inter share a stadium, are the two most successful teams in Italian history, and their fans HATE each other. It is a perpetual turf war fought for the same piece of ground year after year after year. Imagine if the Red Sox and Yankees share a stadium, now multiply by 10.

I must admit to being a pretty big fan (for an American) of the beautiful game. During the last Cup, my brother and I would wake up at 4 am to watch the action from Korea/Japan. Fearing that I would wake the wife, I desperately tried to stiffle shouts, screams, and curses as the US beat Portugal. That victory put the US back into the constellation of world class teams after 50 years in the wilderness. It was great to see. And while I think that team was better than this year's side, I think we will have a pretty respectable showing. So ugly ball aside, everyone should at least try to watch a game. Consider it is your patriotic duty.

And the horse you road in on...

The moron in the white cowboy hat is former Governor, current Junior Senator from Virginia, and right wing empty suit, George Allen. He also has the dubious distinction of being Rush Limbaugh's preferred candidate for Pres in '08. He was first elected on the strength of his father's name - the much loved former coach of the Redskins - and quickly became a prototypical Big Business Republican with the same aw-shucks, down home facade as GWB. I cannot express the contempt I feel for this man without my face turning red and swearing enough to make a sailor blush. This airhead, frat boy, wingnut is an embarrassment to the Old Dominion. We deserve better. And we have the opportunity to replace this clown with a true American badass. Jim Webb is a former Marine, former Secretary of the Navy under Reagan(!), and author of a number of best-selling books. Seriously, this guy's resume looks a Hollywood mock-up for the hero of a spy thriller flick. So if you haven't paid any attention to the '06 race and are looking for a guy to get behind, Webb is about the best you are going to get.

So let's replace a halfwit with a citizen soldier. The Commonwealth needs another Senator she can be proud of.

UPDATE: See Jim Webb on the Colbert Report.

An Easter gift for everyone...

I just watched John Aravosis of Americablog (BTW - if you don't read it, you should) just kick Jonah "The Hut" Goldberg's ass on Howie Kurtz's show. In a word, awesome. Jonah was relying on the old saw of "If the President does it, it's legal" in regard to the recent intelligence leaks. Suffice it to say, even Kurtz wasn't buying. If Clinton had tried that tack, Henry Hyde's head would have exploded. Anyway, Aravosis played Ike Turner to Jonah's Tina. Brilliant. But the thing that stuck in my head was Goldberg's comment that the US has war plans for invading Canada. I have no doubt that some plan exists for just that contingency but Jonah contended that he knew it to be fact. Which begs the question, who in their right mind would give this mindless hack classified information like that? Just asking...

Happy Easter

Joe says Happy Easter and marshmellow Peeps for everyone.

Redneck avarice and the wages of sin

These two stellar human beings are accused of collecting gifts and cash to help support their nonexistant sextuplets. Apparently, they created a website to solicit contributions. The lesson here is know your PayPal...

But I think the perfect punishment here is to force them to actually have sextuplets. My family just went through a rather nasty bout of teething from J., our perfect 9 month old. It was enough to put you over the brink. No sleep, constant frustration, and a knawing sense of guilt that even though we were trying everything in the book to make him comfortable, he was still miserable and, therefore, we were not doing enough. It sucked. Were it not for the magic of my wife, I would have made the news, and not the cutesy, public interest news. Multiply that by six, and there would have been a pile of corpses in my wake. So I say, get thee to a fertility clinic and reap what you sow.

I think Rush may be back on the pills

From Media Matters, via Atrios, fat lying bastard alert:

Limbaugh claimed Wash. Post's former Red America blogger was not a plagiarist -- but blogger admitted it
Summary: Rush Limbaugh falsely claimed that after "the left-wing fringe threw a hissy fit" about The Washington Post's hiring of Ben Domenech to write for a conservative weblog on the newspaper's website, the Post "concocted some phony excuse that the guy that they had hired was a plagiarist" and "he was gone inside of two weeks." In fact, on the day of his resignation -- four days after his blog for the Post began -- Domenech admitted to using other writers' work "inappropriately and without attribution."

Not only is Limbaugh just completely and utterly full of shit, but he doesn't even make the effort to appear credible anymore. He just makes it up as he goes, knowing that the mindless drones that believe his nonsense, will buy it all. When confronted with facts, they cry about the liberal media and its bias against their delusional worldview. What a great gig...

As the Cowboy Junkies put it, "This is gonna hurt like Hell"

The Pilot has a pretty good piece on the economic fallout of the Ford plant closing but I think this picture tells you what you need to know.

On lying and consequences

So two big pieces today from the AP. First, Barry Bonds may be charged with perjury for lying to the BALCO grand jury proceeding regarding steroid use. OK - makes sense; Barry was juiced but told the grand jury he was clean. Barry knew it to be a lie but he had to cover his ass. Major League Baseball could not tolerate having the holder of single season home run record (the most important record in baseball) provably on steroids. The dreaded asterisk would have to come out or MLB may go so far as to revoke the award. But in the end, Bonds thought he could break the rules because he was Barry f—ing Bonds. He is, essentially, a spoiled child and behaved exactly as such. Now Barry may go to jail.

In piece number two, the Dread Pirate Bush blamed the complete implosion of the Republican’s Immigration policy on Harry Reid.

President Bush accused Senate Democratic leader Harry Reid on Thursday of "single-handedly thwarting" action on immigration legislation…

Bush knew this was a lie but he had to lay this disaster at someone else’s feet. So he picked Harry Reid. But Harry Reid once knocked out a guy who tried to bribe him when he was a prosecutor in Vegas going after the mob. Harry Reid will not be punked by Chimpy McHalfwit. The response from the Senator from Nevada:

"President Bush has as much credibility on immigration as he does on Iraq and national security,"…

Couple of other things to consider. If your party controls both Houses, where do you get the brass ones to blame your outnumbered opposition? Also, why go after a tough guy with a lie so thin you can see through it? Because Bush has the same problem as Bonds. He operates from the same childish, self-centered place. I am special and the rules are for the little people. The rebuke of the Immigration policy was a punch directly to Bush’s political nose and he acted like a bully who gets popped for the first time in his life. He threw a temper tantrum and blamed the other guy. But the other guy, he kept swinging. Sweet.

Rumsfailed

Can anyone tell me why this man still has a job?


Another General has called for Rummy to step down.

"Specifically, I feel he has micromanaged the generals who are leading our forces there," Swannack said in the telephone interview.
"And I believe he has culpability associated with the Abu Ghraib prison scandal and, so, rather than admitting these mistakes, he continually justifies them to the press ... and that really disallows him from moving our strategy forward."

So just this week, we have a guy that led the 82nd Airborne and another that led the 1st Infantry in combat in Iraq suggest the SecDef has to go. Add to that 2 more Army Generals and a one from the Marines. Think that will make a difference? Think again.

This administration can't even admit mistakes, much less take corrective action.

Accountibility - fuck that - you need war and tax cuts or else the gays and terrorists and evil doers win.

Straight (book) Pimpin'

So I was driving home from work a couple of months back, listening to NPR. Our local station periodically runs a book review segment that I find mostly annoying. On this day, however, the lady reviewed Mr. Undesireable by Scott Carpenter. From that 2 minute segment, I was convinced that this would be the best book I would read in 2005. I was not disappointed.

Carpenter tells the story of Lenny Kapowski, a "dirt poor, foul mouthed, porn addicted, binge drinking malcontent" turned lottery winning millionaire. Lenny was treated like crap by a lot of people in his life and now he has the ways and means to get even. So if retribution and rooting for the underdog are to your liking, I urge you to get this book immediately. It is mean-spirited, filthy, crude, blasphemous, and utterly hilarious. If there is any justice in this world, Scott Carpenter will be famous.

But the truly great thing about this book is the subtle lesson it teaches: Treat people well because one day, Lenny Kapowski may move next door.

Our Fair Richmond

According to the Government Guide, the capitol of the Commonwealth has been rated the #5 Most Dangerous city in these here United States. While we should all be proud of a top 5 finish, getting beat by Flint, MI in anything is a bit disappointing. So to the citizens of Richmond I say "try harder". You know as well as I do that if you really apply yourselves, you can achieve anything. And a special thanks to Ex-Gov and current Mayor Doug Wilder - bang up job there sport!

In the immortal words of Avail's tribute to their hometown 'Over the James', "Next year, Number 1".

If you drive a Hummer, this sandwich is for you!

Jeebus H. Beefeater. In the current age of conspicuous consumption, typified by the H2 Fuck You urban assault vehicle, an English chef has created a $148 sandwich. The world needs this the same way your average suburbanite needs 8,600 lbs. of gas-swilling monster truck. Complete with foie gras and Japanese beef that has been massaged with sake, this has to be the most over-the-top version of the once humble lunch item. This is the first time in my life that I can apply the word bombastic to both a truck and a sandwich and really, really mean it.

Would the last to leave please turn out the lights...

Ford announced today that it would be closing the Norfolk F-150 plant in 2008. This is a serious hit to the local economy. 2,300 workers will need to find new jobs and I seriously doubt they can find equivilent work at UAW scale pay here. So say a little prayer for these folks - they are going to need it.

Ford tough indeed

And while this is a very sad story for my beloved hometown, it speaks to a larger issue. US manufacturing, and the auto industry in particular, is in such serious decline that Ford is shuttering one of it most productive plants building its top selling vehicle. GM is in a tailspin, having laid off 30,000 this year. Chrysler seems to be managing but only just. GM and Ford suffer from similar problems of too many models, too much capacity, and too much overhead from insurance and pension costs. Even if the first two problems can be resolved, the insurance costs alone may sink them. If either of these companies goes bankrupt because they spend too much providing their employees insurance, I expect the door to nationalized healthcare to be kicked wide open. Kind of a bummer silver lining, but there it is...

UPDATE:
In no way am I wishing for the demise of GM or Ford to further a political agenda. Losing either company would mark a truly dark day on this country. I do, however, believe that the nationalized healthcare debate is one we NEED to have. The US spends more per capita on healthcare than any nation in the world yet we still have upwards of 40+ million uninsured. As much as $400 billion is spent on paperwork. We have fewer doctors per capita than most Western countries, visit our doctors less frequently than most Western countries, and still spend untold billions financing the insurance industry's efforts to not pay claims. The point is, being a good corporate citizen by insuring your workers should not lead to bankruptcy. And yet, there is no other option. Ford and GM should build cars, not be in the insurance business. Protecting the general welfare, per our constitution, is the role of government. To my mind, that would include providing citizens the care of a physician. Sadly, neither party has covered themselves in glory on this issue. Big dog Bill Clinton tried and was subsequently cut off at the knees. We need to try again. If for no other reason, let's talk about what Ford could have done if it were allowed to do what it does best, building the best selling vehicle of all time...

File under Irresponsible Millionaire Hillbilly

Not that Brittany Spears or K-Fed (Jesus what a tool - white boy "rapper" with corn rows?!?!?!) or anyone else for that matter needs my input on this, but is there a chance in hell that young Sean Preston will live to see 5? Don't get me wrong, I am rooting for the kid. He is going to need all the help he can get. Brit and Kev seem to be a tad ill-prepared, not to mention the enormous obsticle of Federline genetic inheritance. These two have to be the early frontrunners in the 2006 Joan Crawford Parents of the Year award.


Oops I did it again.

Morning idol worship

Those that know me well know that I am not a morning person. My wife gets up at oh-dark-thirty to get to the gym before work. I struggle to roll out of bed before 7 am. And I do not wake gracefully. I don't mean grumpy or groggy; I mean miserable son of a bitch. As such, I require coffee as soon as possible. Hot and black. No cream, no sugar. Which is why I would like to send a personal thank you to 7-11. 24 ounces of great coffee for $1.55. How can you beat that?

Every once in a while, I will get a cup at Starbucks or whatever and I am constantly amazed at the complexity that some apply to ordering. It should be a pretty straight forward task. If your coffee order is more complicated than contract bridge, you need to simplify.

Joe lives...

And he has his eye on you.